Monday, November 21, 2011

Feeling Lucky

It was a gray day today, and it was a gray day when I wore this outfit last week.

shirt — Phool (thrifted)
T-shirt — Levi's Red Tab (older than dirt, can't remember)
pants — Rock Star (Old Navy) 
shoes — Blowfish (DSW)

I think I did my part in trying to brighten a rainy day up. My boss said that I must have wanted to make sure that everybody was awake when I came in. (And I had worn the shocking red tights to work the day before, so that was saying a lot!)

Unfortunately, it didn't do a whole lot to dispel my mood. I am somewhat depressed these days, and it's partly because I commute upwards of 8 hours a day to my job. (I can work at home two or three days a week, which is the only way that I am staying relatively sane right now.) I try hard not to complain, but honestly? It's tough. It's hard, and it's stressful. And don't tell me to get a job close to home. I've tried, and the jobs aren't around. Or they want to pay me less than half of what I am making now, with no benefits (and they think they're doing me a favor by offering me a job!). No benefits. Let me say that again — NO BENEFITS! Have you tried surviving out there on your own with no benefits and a rinky-dink wage? No benefits might be doable if you are getting an amazing wage, but a crap wage with no benefits?! C'mon.


I've done the rinky-dink wage and no benefits thing, and I turned into a lunatic — worrying about every single penny that I spent or didn't spend. Jobs like that didn't pay my bills (not because I live extravagantly, but because the cost of everything would keep going up). I would freak out when my kids put the clothes in the dryer instead of hanging them out on the line. (Yes, I did, I'm not kidding.) I'd freak out when Verizon charged me a data surcharge. I'd call them up, and I'd literally start shaking and crying over something like $1.49 extra on my phone bill. (Yes. I did. But in that case, I didn't care!) And these were the good aspects of the crap wage with no benefits.

I'd get side job after side job after side job so I could pay my bills, and it was still hard to make ends meet. I had three kids, and something always came up that would deplete my savings. I still can't go in and out my front door*. It's inconvenient, but it's not an emergency. (I can go out my back door and even my bedroom window if I really have to. I make repairs that are an emergency.) 

*I have a mortise lock, so it's not something I can replace myself — believe you me, I tried!

And you know what? I consider myself lucky. Yeah, I do — really and truly, I do. I commute 7 to 8 hours a day to get to my job, but I have my health and I now have a job that pays my bills. I don't have small children who I have to worry about if I'm not home, so I have the flexibility to commute long distances (I would move, but who knows how long this job will last). What I don't feel is that I am any more deserving than the next person who is struggling to find a job. 

Yes. I feel lucky. I do!

Because you know what? 
There, but for the grace of God, go I.  

Linking to Patti and Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style — not only because I am so visible in my colored pants, but because I have opinions and I like to share them. The more confident I am, the more able I am to promote myself and the things that I believe in.


  1. Omgomgomgomg, Love this! Those blue pants are fantastic.

    Talking about your job, why not move? I mean, I understand job instability, but maybe look into moving even if you have to accept that you may only be temporarily moved. I know it can be very hard to uproot, but it would reduce the biggest issue of your current stress, especially if you could find comparable living costs.

  2. These blue pants and the jacket are great and would put a smile on any face. So many of us are in the same boat these days...but you are right...God's grace covers all of it!!

  3. Yes, gf, keep sharing your thoughts, I love to hear them. You're so smart and articulate and you say what you mean - there is NO fakey-fake with you, and I love that. You look very cool, and you are keeping your life moving forward. Happy Thanksgiving to you, enjoy a couple of days at home!!

  4. It's a scary economy right now -- and you're right: the benefits and living wage are worth being grateful for. And you may move, eventually, so things won't be like this forever. I'm guessing maybe that's your mantra at the moment! (Are you reading any good books while commuting?)

  5. Long commutes are tough, but I would take commuting over lower pay and no benefits. I hope the right job comes along for you soon.


Thanks for reading. Honest opinions and constructive criticism are always welcome.

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