Feeling Lucky

It was a gray day today, and it was a gray day when I wore this outfit last week.

shirt — Phool (thrifted)

T-shirt — Levi's Red Tab (older than dirt, can't remember)

pants — Rock Star (Old Navy) 

shoes — Blowfish (DSW)

I think I did my part in trying to brighten a rainy day up. My boss said that I must have wanted to make sure that everybody was awake when I came in. (And I had worn the shocking red tights to work the day before, so that was saying a lot!)

Unfortunately, it didn't do a whole lot to dispel my mood. I am somewhat depressed these days, and it's partly because I commute upwards of 8 hours a day to my job. (I can work at home two or three days a week, which is the only way that I am staying relatively sane right now.) I try hard not to complain, but honestly? It's tough. It's hard, and it's stressful. And don't tell me to get a job close to home. I've tried, and the jobs aren't around. Or they want to pay me less than half of what I am making now, with no benefits (and they think they're doing me a favor by offering me a job!). No benefits. Let me say that again — NO BENEFITS! Have you tried surviving out there on your own with no benefits and a rinky-dink wage? No benefits might be doable if you are getting an amazing wage, but a crap wage with no benefits?! C'mon.

 

I've done the rinky-dink wage and no benefits thing, and I turned into a lunatic — worrying about every single penny that I spent or didn't spend. Jobs like that didn't pay my bills (not because I live extravagantly, but because the cost of everything would keep going up). I would freak out when my kids put the clothes in the dryer instead of hanging them out on the line. (Yes, I did, I'm not kidding.) I'd freak out when Verizon charged me a data surcharge. I'd call them up, and I'd literally start shaking and crying over something like $1.49 extra on my phone bill. (Yes. I did. But in that case, I didn't care!) And these were the good aspects of the crap wage with no benefits.

 

I'd get side job after side job after side job so I could pay my bills, and it was still hard to make ends meet. I had three kids, and something always came up that would deplete my savings. I still can't go in and out my front door*. It's inconvenient, but it's not an emergency. (I can go out my back door and even my bedroom window if I really have to. I make repairs that are an emergency.) 

*I have a mortise lock, so it's not something I can replace myself — believe you me, I tried!

And you know what? I consider myself lucky. Yeah, I do — really and truly, I do. I commute 7 to 8 hours a day to get to my job, but I have my health and I now have a job that pays my bills. I don't have small children who I have to worry about if I'm not home, so I have the flexibility to commute long distances (I would move, but who knows how long this job will last). What I don't feel is that I am any more deserving than the next person who is struggling to find a job. 

Yes. I feel lucky. I do!

Because you know what? 

There, but for the grace of God, go I.  

Linking to Patti and Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style — not only because I am so visible in my colored pants, but because I have opinions and I like to share them. The more confident I am, the more able I am to promote myself and the things that I believe in.